Underwear tips

For the 60 and over crowd.  A crowd I'm rapidly gaining eligibility in.  Tempus fugit. And I would never turn down sound underwear advice.  From Simon Doonan, writing in Slate.

Fashion over 60: Advice on underwear and other clothing for seniors.
This week, as I approach the big 6-0, I have been thinking a lot about Nudie and about the role of flamboyance in old age. As far as I am concerned, there are no limits on how show-bizzy or gangsta one’s outer garments might become. However, when it comes to undergarments I am still trying to find a path. Should I switch up from the Calvin Klein tighty-whities I have worn for as long as I can remember? Should I go conceptual avant-garde and snag some of Mitt’s mysterious Mormon encasements? What would Nudie have done? Might snakeskin thongs and banana-hammocks and bedazzled budgie-smugglers provide a more life-enhancing option? 
During my childhood, old people never wore groovy underwear. My grandpa wore thick, scratchy long-johns year-round and my granny wore monstrous prewar bloomers. Her undies were so allure-free and utilitarian that they would have made Bridget Jones’ gym knickers look like burlesque enticements from Frederick’s of Hollywood. 
Whence comes my gruesome familiarity with the undies of my grandparents? Truth be told, I was traumatized by them on a daily basis. A cursory glance at the washing line in our backyard revealed the truth about the foundation garments of our entire household. My sister and I were merciless in our critiques. My granny got sick of us mocking her billowing bloomers and sneakily started drying them in the airless attic. We responded by unpinning them and dropping them out of the top floor window onto the wearer’s befuddled head. 
Right before filing this column, I had a breakthrough of sorts. I located a company specializing in sassy humor undies for seniors. (Check out the Sexy Old Buzzard boxer briefs.) The styles are basic and chic, and the messages that adorn the garments are quite amusing. My one reservation is the type size. The current scale would send the average senior scrambling for those bifocals in order to read it. Not very romantic, right?


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